WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION..

Brutally Frank stands outside the door Of Lulus Disco
Black bomber jacket with IN SECURITY splashed on his back
It Makes him feel secure As he holds back the crowds
And searches through handbags And frisks men’s bodies and hopes
That somebody just might start a fight
Cos He’s feeling quite macho tonight.

I'd like to develop a persona like Frank With a mouthful of gold
And fists like great hams
But there isn’t a niche For talents like his
At poetry readings In Totnes.
So I couldn’t Be Brutally Frank if I wished
But I’m feeling quite Macho tonite

But I could be .. A Politician. Like two Jags from Hull
If I could afford the monotony Of life with a frontal lobotomy.
(Without punching the odd voter from Crewe),

So the question remains When Frank shaved off his hair
Did he shave off his Brains ? Were they ever there ?.
With Rings on his finger and white socks on his toes
He inspires a muse wherever he goes
He has F.C.U.K. tattooed on his Penis
(And here I must stress that I’ve never seen it
But I’ve been told by a reliable source)

Brutally Frank sends his wife out to Bingo
Then he gets in his\ car And shags a young bimbo
Who isn’t a natural blonde
She and Frank met. over a dodgy cigarette
And he seduced her when she was only 15.
(And sold the video on the internet.)

Brutally Frank likes dogs and children
And is good to his mother and Gran.
But his hero’s his brother who has a wife and two daughters
And is quite a success as a tabloid reporter
And lies in The Sun every day. Which pays for a villa in Majorca.
Oh his BRO known the good times He invents all the headlines
Like” My Hamster ate Freddie Starr”

But he does O.K. as a Tabloid reporter
And lies in The Sun every day
With headlines like” Freddie Starr ate my Daughter”
And “I shagged Lord Lucan in Bombay“.

And it payed for his villa in Majorca.

Brutally Frank doesn’t drink real beers
He thinks real ale is for Granddads and queers
And he makes\ a big show of drinking
Foreign Designer lagers
That they brew on the A6 near Crewe

Brutally Frank thinks all blokes must look tough
If He knew I was a Poet He’d have called me a Pouffe
But to tell you truth I think I’m more of more of a Chesterfield Settee,
(Tough and leathery and Bursting with hair).
And that’s\all we have in Common Brutally Frank and Me.

Brutally Frank once spent time in Jail
He tried to stab his girlfriend with a nai l…
File At the brothel Where she worked at weekends
(And every third Wednesday in March)
And she got paid to be shagged by his very best friend
Who thought it was a bit of a lark

(Until Frank found out and killed him)
And put his body in a concrete bridge column
On the M.25 ring road (allegedly)

And a few years later he’d matured in his life
And eventually got married
But he beat up his wife who got shagged by
Rogere’ The Lodger A latin Valetino
While Frank visited his Mum
in The Boulevard Monte Casino
(A Retirement Home In Skegness..)

Brutally Frank has muscles in his Piss
And. W.M.D tattooed on his fists
He drives a B.M W. with black tinted winders
And the smell of cheap aftershave usually lingers
For 10 minutes after he’s gone

Brutally Frank wears steel toe capped shoes
While he’s walking his Bull Mastiff dog
And he often spends hours picking his nose
Reading porn magazines in the bog

(But that’s something that we blokes all do
Don’t We ?)

Brutally Frank will be looking for ME
In the unlikely event that he hears this being read
Brutally Frank will make sure that I'm dead
But I don’t think I’m really that scared.
Cos I could never be brutally Frank Like him
And neither could Tony Blair.,
To be Brutally Frank is this story is all lies

Like the story of W.M.D,

Brutally Frank didn’t exist. .

And everyone knows Nor did THEY.

Did they Tony ?